Surviving the Loss of a Child: Our Lora Beth
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Cheryl Keifman sat next to me in biology class, 10th grade, at Sweet Home Senior High School in Amherst, NY. I was a sad, embittered young person in contrast to Cheryl's contented, serene personality. She was tall and lanky, with the look that many models had in the Fall of 1968.

I noticed at one point that Cheryl had been missing from school for a while. Rumor had it that they had discovered a lump in her knee during the routine school physical. Biopsy had concluded it was malignant. Her leg was amputated just above the knee. I remember the horror I felt at such news. Such a sweet person-what a toll I was sure it would take on her disposition.

I couldn't have been more wrong. When Cheryl had healed sufficiently, she was back in school, on crutches, her stump swinging-and a smile on her face! Her unruffled demeanor baffled me. What was UP with this girl, anyway? Throughout her months of cancer therapy, her determination to stay upbeat was obvious-and puzzling.

Our sophomore year came to a close. Over the summer, Cheryl was fitted with an artificial limb. But soon another malignancy was discovered. By the Fall of 1969, she succumbed to cancer and died. Her funeral was held at Amherst Baptist Church, and it was packed with students, myself included.

If I was baffled by Cheryl's contentment in the face of such trials, I was totally confused by the apparent "rejoicing" at Cheryl's death. Yes, there were tears; yes, I heard weeping. But Cheryl's Pastor Porter wore the hint of a smile on his face, as he spoke of Cheryl's "victory" in Jesus. What?? Was this man nuts? Were all these people nuts? Where was the victory in such a horrid death, at such a young age, of someone so fine in character? I left Cheryl's funeral service angry and confused.

By the Spring of 1971, I was more morose and self-pitying than ever before. I still do not know who told me about it, but I heard of a "revival meeting" being held at...Amherst Baptist Church! I decided once and for all I was going to figure out what made these people "tick" and unravel their beliefs. Little did I know that God had "set me up" and was ready to "ambush" my heart for Him.

The preacher said, "Do you feel as though nothing in your life is working? That there is no meaning? All your hopes and dreams have failed?" What kind of preaching is THIS! I thought to myself. Has someone told him I would be there? I soon realized I needed to escape that church as soon as the doors opened! As it happened, Pastor Porter and the guest evangelist formed a 2-man gauntlet at the doors-you didn't get out without a personal handshake.

Pastor Porter grabbed my hand in both of his, that penetrating smile searching my face. "Thank you for coming tonight-did you enjoy the service?" Not one to back down at any question, I stared at my feet and mumbled something lame like, "Well, I have a lot of unanswered questions...."

Looking back these many years later, I laugh at my lack of knowledge regarding evangelicals! "I have a lot of unanswered questions..."??? My goodness, that kind of talk is music to an evangelist's ears! "Well, let's just go in the back room and discuss some of these questions," said the spider (aka, Guest Evangelist) to the fly (aka, Me).

This was 1971 and I was very anti-Vietnam. One of my "toughest" questions was "If God is so good, how could something as awful as this war occur?" The evangelist turned to James chapter 4: From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members? Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not. Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.

I was nonplussed. What's this? An ANSWER? From the BIBLE? Worse still-it made SENSE! Embarrassed that such an "illiterate" could match what I felt was my mental prowess, I took a deep breath and began firing questions. To my dismay, they were able to effectively answer most straight from their Bibles. Finally, the evangelist said, "Jan, if there really is a God, and He's as good as we've told you He is, do you honestly believe He could do a worse job of running your life than you have?"

Once again-I had no comeback. Fearful, I decided to give this God of theirs a try. My prayer was something fairly non-committal. "God, IF You are Who this people say You are, and IF You truly can forgive me and give me a new start on life-THEN I ask You to come into my heart, forgive me, and run my life from now on." Wham! The instant I prayed that prayer, I knew-He DID exist, He DID love me, He DID forgive!

I would like to tell you I have walked faithfully with the Lord since that day. It isn't true. While I attended the little Baptist church on Sunday mornings, I needed fellowship with other young believers. Over the summer of 1971, I nearly "lived" at the House of Life in Kenmore, New York--a hang out for us "Jesus Freaks." There I found other new believers, drove around in a beatup Ford singing, "Give me gas in my Ford, keep me chuggin' for the Lord..." and sat in the dark coffeehouse singing simple praise songs. But in neither place--the little church nor the coffeehouse--was I discipled and nurtured in the faith. Less than 10 months later, I threw in the towel on God. So many things had gone wrong by then, I figured God must not really love me. I purposefully set out to break all 10 commandments, and for nearly 3 years I lived in raunch sin and willful disobedience.

By the Fall of 1974, I had gone so far down even I was scared, so I joined the Air Force in a weak attempt to straighten myself up. I was due to ship out February 24, 1975. Over the Christmas holidays, some former schoolmates invited me over to a small gathering.

It had been over 3 years since I had seen any of these classmates. I went. To my complete disbelief, they had all become Christians in that time! And would you believe, many of them also came to Christ because of Cheryl's life testimony! While I tried to avoid the subject, the last time these girls had seen me it had been ME talking to THEM about Jesus. Naturally they assumed I was doing fine. When they asked, I broke down in tears, and they gently led me back to Jesus in a recommitment of faith.

Cheryl's death led me TO Jesus and indirectly through others she touched, she also led me BACK TO Jesus. Because of my faith, my children know Jesus...and one is safely Home with Him now.


Hosea:2:7 And she shall follow after her lovers, but she shall not overtake them; and she shall seek them, but shall not find them: then shall she say, I will GO AND RETURN to my first husband; for then was it better with me than now.

John 14:1-5 Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also. And whither I go ye know, and the way ye know. Thomas saith unto him, Lord, we know not whither thou goest; and how can we know the way? Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, BUT BY ME.

One of my favorite hymns from my early days of walking with Jesus, is "At Calvary", as the words describe my life to that point and the grace I received having turned my life over to him:

 

Years I spent in vanity and pride, caring not my Lord was crucified, knowing not it was for Me He died--at Calvary..Mercy THERE was great and grace was free; pardon THERE was multiplied to me; THERE my burdened heart found liberty--AT CALVARY."