Time to Be Torn
just NOT FAIR!"
The moment the speaker said the words, my heart leapt. Someone else--another
Christian, and one who speaks at women's conferences like these, no less--spoke
the words my own heart had been whispering for eleven long months. Yes,
whispering, and other words like them. "How come other people's children
who are drug dealers and thieves live to marry, often several times, and
give their parents grandbabies, while my loving eighteen year old daughter
died at the brink of her adult life!?" As a woman of faith, I hushed the
angry accusations hissing in my ear. What kind of woman would think such
thoughts? Why, the implication is that God should provide for, protect,
and ultimately love my daughter more than many others. Could
any Christian woman be so jealous of God's favors and still be worthy
of Christ's name? Still, the whispers continued.
Tonight the conference speaker amplified those whispers into an arena
of 12,000 attending women, and as she did, that inner voice shouted, "YES!
That is what I've been saying all along! Yes! It's not fair,
God! My girls and I have lived good lives, serving and loving You, and
You let this happen to us? It's not fair!"
Tonight the whispers became a roar. "My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken
me?" Pain rips the stitches at the seam of my faith tonight.
I await His mending.
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